Do you know what I'm loving right now? Hating, that's what. Not proper, cruel hatred; the sort that plunges nations into war, pits communities against each other and sunders families apart but silly, inapropriate hatred. Petty hatred manages to make you feel powerful and look awesome at the same time. Right? Right? Oh...
Strangely, hate is much like love in that it's impossible to get from the simple h a t and e to the actual emotion without negotiating an already well trodden path. I can't tell you that I hate something in a way that tells you exactly how I feel; it's too broad a term and too steeped in other people's words. I'd tell you how much I hate that, but what's the use?
Anyway, here's what I'm really hating at the moment:
1) The return of Masterchuff. When was this last on? Can the schedule really stand 4 series of this in a 12 month period? Has it become a seasonal show and this is just Masterchef: Winter Edition? In these difficult economic times are there enough Gastro Pubs to employ all the losing finalists? Why haven't they updated the intro? When will Greg grow a pair and win an argument with John? Come to think of it, why didn't they keep Michel 'Skeletor' Roux Jr?
THERE ARE NO ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS. I HATE YOU MASTERCHEF.
2) My landlord and his girlfriend having obnoxiously loud sex when I'm in the house. If you want everyone to know about it then just go fucking dogging.
3) Slebs in adverts. It's not that I care that Iggy Pop has become a car insurance salesman but I do care about the adverts being so very, very bad. I've only just got over that fucking Ewan McGregor/Davidoff recurring nightmare and then there's Davina talking to her alter ego/'mother' about hair dye and George Clooney flogging a naff coffee machine and Dame Kelly Holmes showing less personality than the cereal she's praising and Dame John Lydon saying "BUTTERRRRR" in his best panto voice and I'm tired of having to wipe the vomit from my mouth everytime Nicole Kidman says "I'm a dancer. I love to dance!". Make it go away.
4) My lower back. Haha very funny, now just work properly you twat.
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